Pros and Cons of Marrying Another Musician

The Violin Channel was curious to know the pros and cons of being in a relationship with a fellow musician.

Daniel Foster, Principal Violist of the National Symphony Orchestra, and Adria Sternstein Foster, Principal Flutist for the Kennedy Center Opera House Orchestra, have been married for 21 years! In their experience...

PROS:

1. Spouse gives you frank and unvarnished musical advice.
2. During a global pandemic, you have someone to make music with during lockdowns.
3. Your kids become excellent concert-goers.
4. Your spouse doesn’t mind when you turn up the volume to ear-splitting levels on Shostakovich’s 10th (2nd movement) in the car.
5. Having a partner who shares your musical interests and passion is a great joy.

CONS:

1. Spouse gives you frank and unvarnished musical advice.
2. All you talk about at dinner is conductors.
3. Neither of you can get up early in the morning.
4. Difficult to find a chance for an evening out.
5. It is hard to think of cons for the Violin Channel feature when both of you have jobs you love in the same city!

Daniel Foster and Adria Sternstein Foster

Pianist Jens Elvekjaer and cellist Soo-Kyung Hong first met in 1997 in Vienna while studying, and soon began playing together as a cello-piano duo. Just two years later, they established Denmark's Trio con Brio Copenhagen and had three weddings! If they count all three, they've been married for over 20 years, and have learned a thing or two...

PROS:

1. It is a privilege and very special for us to share life, love, passion, family, and work nearly 24/7 for over a quarter-century! We spend more time together than anyone we know. Talk about a work-life balance!
2. As you can imagine, both personally and professionally, we have had a great array of life-altering experiences — both joyous and, at times, painful. All of this filters into our music-making and bonds us together.
3. We feed off each other's creativity and feel we can more effortlessly achieve our dreams together than if we were “solo.” We feel we are in sync and are grateful that we balance each other out.
4. We serve as trustworthy advisors and mentors to each other and value each others' advice on every level. It seems to work!
5. Touring benefits: no need to leave the other behind at home, we only need to reserve one hotel room, and, we can bring our 8 years-old daughter — an invaluable way to share enriching travel experiences together as a family!

CONS:

1. Regardless of how tumultuous a rehearsal, we have to dine and sleep together at the end of the day!
2. Somehow, work always seems close at hand. We cannot help but bring our rehearsal discussions to the dinner table and at bedtime. It is sometimes impossible to draw a crystal clear line between work and family life. And, if that's not enough, the third member of our trio is a sister/sister-in-law! At times a real family drama can unfold, or as we say, a "K-drama"!
3. Stressful moments can occur at exactly the same time!  Uh... "Who tackles the dishes today before heading to the stage to perform the Beethoven Triple?!!
4. We feel we have truly grown together, like yin & yang, but from time to time we become anxious about not always being there for one another.
5. As we are keenly aware of our strengths and weaknesses like no other, we can be the most supportive to one another, but also the most brutally honest!

Jens Elvekjaer and Soo-Kyung Hong

Pianist Wu Han and cellist David Finckel, co-artistic directors of The Chamber Music Society of Lincoln Center, have been married for 37 years! They had a different way of looking at it...

1. Pro: You are together a lot
   Con: You are together a lot
2. Pro: You are apart a lot
   Con: you are apart a lot
3. Pro: You are there for each other when one of you is nervous
   Con: You are nervous for your spouse
4. Pro: You can work closely with your spouse
   Con: You need your own space to really work
5. Pro: When the check arrives, it’s for both of you
   Con: When the check arrives, you have to split it

Wu Han and David Finckel